mackenzie brooks

This is all just a constant battle

And I am so tired of losing

Afraid to fall too far behind

Life goes on, with or without you

It’s a show for the crowd

For which I’ve prepared nothing

And I am up next

I am not who I thought I was,

As it turns out

That’s a hard blow to absorb

Because apparently they all knew

Just never bothered to fill me in

The dramatic irony of it all

And I, here, long after the show is over

Trying to wipe the egg off my face

The lies, they just sat there, simmering

Underneath a fire of falseness

The glances at one another

That I didn’t catch

With the tears in my eyes

Finally, as all things unspoken

The pot boiled over

The battles are greater than I

They can have the win

I surrender, I’m defeated

I’m not fighting anymore

I’m too scarred

Too tired, too everything

There’s a whole other world out there

Where your opinions are not fact

Where your lies hold no value or valor

In fact, they mean nothing

Do not give me sorry

I need nothing with your sorrows

What I needed was to know

To know these things long ago

So I could have fled

And not wasted so much time here

What’s done is done

The fight is won

If it means that much to you,

Victory is yours, and I gladly give it to you

In exchange for my freedom

I’ll be gone

Where I belong

Where I am allowed to know who I am

And be who I want to be

And never have to feel sorry for that again.

I can’t crawl deep enough under these layers

To ever hide from what’s inside of me

I can’t sleep away enough hours of the day

To forget about myself

How can it be this way

Why must you insist on haunting me

I never summoned these dreams

Yet still they arrive

Night after night

Like deliveries of wilted flowers

Arriving a day too late to enjoy

Or in my case, a lifetime

For you were always one step ahead of me

And on the occasion

When you look back at me

You have no face, only such indistinct features

A vaguely familiar smile I once new so well

The masks you wore to play your parts

Fall away to reveal the scared boy

Who allowed me to be free of my scrutiny

And uncovered so much of who we were

Now, that face is just undiscovered territory

Land claimed by another

and I am not a welcome guest

Every time I am turned away

Pieces of my spirit are left at your doorstep

And though I fight on, I have so little left

So please, I beg of you this one thing

Go far away from my restless sleep

Banish yourself from my thoughts and my dreams

Take the memories and do what you will

Just leave me in peace

And haunt me no more